I can't hear my thoughts right now. Lady Gaga is playing way too loud in Griffin Lounge and I keep eyeballing my cup of Columbia-brewed coffee that is on the verge of becoming lukewarm — which is kind of where I am at. Ha! The irony of life makes for a great comedy.
But, I am putting my earphones in, sipping my coffee, (I am so used to omitting the comma because of the Aggie style guide) and now I will do what I originally revisited this site to do: to confess a few things.
I miss the dear old years when I could wear frilly skirts and dresses because of the way it felt when the fabric and wind danced together every time I twirled around — I loved the way it felt on my skin. But now getting older, I have to worry about not looking like a hippie, that I wear the right undergarments, and (in all seriousness) the wind making me look like a candid Monroe.
I think as people — and both genders can relate I think — that at a point in which it is time to move forward, we look behind us. And that is simply because we want to reflect on what we have done, what we haven't, and what we hope to do. Vaguely speaking, as self-centered individuals, we love to obsess about the past. I guess in that sense, I've been thinking about the past way too much (lately). Does that make me even more self-absorbed then most people? Probably more than those who choose to deny it.
What I am trying to say is this: I miss the little girl that was able to look at the world through a simpler context. The world is scary isn't it? Postgrads know more about this than I do I'm sure but, as I get bigger, so does the world. Ugh, and for any of you Photoshop neophytes or n00bz, ignore this next sentence. I feel like the image of the world is constraining to proportions when we change the resolution in each step forward in our lives.
Remember the days when we thought that we could take on the whole world because of the lies that fairy tales and Disney movies instilled in us? Don't get me wrong, I love Aladdin and Cinderella and I am not being pessimistic. I do have hope. But, we are led to falsely believe that we will be swept away by a prince on a Stallion to be saved from our existing lives. And, in some naive belief, we somehow create a new life in a dream castle with a million servants that we don't need, abandoning our homes, with this supposedly ideal, on the verge stranger of a man. This doesn't exactly speak any truth to little girls around the world. And if by chance any little girl is reading this... DON'T LET SOME STRANGER PICK YOU UP IN HIS WHITE STALLION AND KIDNAP YOU!!
Anyway, I'd like to think of myself as an individualistic person. Yeah, we may all struggle with codependency and I can't exactly say I've been much of an individual for that long since I just got to college about a year ago and started to provide for myself (financially) at the beginning of this school year. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I just want to be held for the briefest moment and told that everything will be okay. I want to be told that the world really isn't as harsh and cruel as the movies make it out to be, even though in the back of my mind I would know that that was complete and total bullshit. In some twisted way, I want to be told the lies that Disney had once told me a while back — well, probably not that long ago since I just re-watched Beauty and the Beast. I swear to you, its all of those damn movies as a little girl.
So, despite the fact that I will no longer be in my teens in a society where kids are considered a legal adult after only 18 years of age, I still so desperately cling on to any ounce of little girl left in me just so that I can have the excuse of blaming my stupidity for naivety. And no matter what age I may be, I will always love Disney movies even if I know that every time I watch Snow White or Little Mermaid I am lying to myself.
I hope all of you find your way in the big world some way or another. . Don't be afraid to stop to ask for help when you're lost because sometimes it's okay to be little again even if it's just pretend.
